i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
