I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im six kinds of drunk right now
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
