Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
