You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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