I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
