He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
