i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
