Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
