So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
