You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
