You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
