If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
