Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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