You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
