it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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