if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
