remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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