During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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