Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
