his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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