Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
