boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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