hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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