Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
