I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
