cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I party with great urgency now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
