i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
