My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
