Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
