I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
