Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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