bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
