i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
