her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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