No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I understand Curling. That high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
