I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
