Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
