i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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