I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
