I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
