My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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