take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
