I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
