Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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