Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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