god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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