I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize