I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
