so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
