it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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