I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
