I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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