Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
