Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
