So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
