bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
