That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
