i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
