How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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