apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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