What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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