the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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