I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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