Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
