i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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