Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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