He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
