i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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