Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.