Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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