its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha