I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now