Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.