i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!